Eating Melbourne

Proud Mary, 172 Oxford St (corner Stanley St), Collingwood
Breakfast and lunch 7 days. Cash only.

I’ve never seen so much hype in the twittoblogosphere as Proud Mary has had in the few weeks since it opened. (Probably this will be about the 17th blog post you’ve already read about it.)

So you’ll probably already know that Proud Mary is one of these new “third wave” coffee houses that roasts its own single-origin beans, blends its own house roasts, has a modified fridge to store the beans in, uses Oompa Loompas to grind each bean by hand, and offers coffee made every which way you can think of (including syphon, Clover and French press, as well as espresso of course).
(OK, so I made up the part about the Oompa Loompas.)

And if you know all this, you will have also heard about The Six-Group Synesso.

I’ve never seen (or read) so much drooling over a piece of machinery that wasn’t a Ferrari.

Anyway, while it’s certainly big and shiny, I don’t really get the excitement – maybe it’s a testosterone thing. Check out the hordes of boys gawking at all the equipment.

We visited at around 11.30am on a Saturday, and the place was packed – we had to stand and wait for a table for about 15 minutes. There’s no table service, you have to order up at the counter.

The coffees took another 15 minutes to arrive after we ordered (despite the awesome power of the Six-Group Synesso – I noted they weren’t using all six groups). So that’s a half-hour total wait time to get caffeine – though to be fair, they haven’t been open long.

With all this expensive single-origin shiny chrome whiz-bangery, I am expecting awesome coffee. I ordered a latte with their House Blend beans:

How was it? Well, pretty good – although I didn’t enjoy it as much as Outpost, or Seven Seeds. Generally I judge my coffee enjoyment on whether or not it’s so good I have to have a second cup (despite knowing I’ll be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day). I didn’t need a second cup at Proud Mary.

That said, my brother the Coffee Nazi loved it, and plans to return. (Although it’s possible he just wants to go back to stroke the Synesso.)

Oh yeah – they have food too.

We just shared some fruit toast and a muffin – which were both pleasant. The hot dishes looked pretty good.

But let’s face it, you’re not coming to Proud Mary for the food. You’re coming to perve on the expensive coffee equipment. And if that’s what floats your boat, you’re going to love it here.

Boire - 92 Smith St, Collingwood. http://www.boire.net.au/

After reading about Boire just about everywhere that matters (including The Age Epicure and Gourmet Traveller), I was desperate to try this new French wine bar.  It’s just a few doors down from Gigibaba, which I adore, so I had high hopes.

I rocked up at about 7.15pm on a Friday night, expecting it to be chockers after the hype – but no, there were only two tables taken (and EVERY SINGLE PERSON in there was female, which was just weird). I thought maybe the empty tables were reserved for imminent bookings… but no, they were just empty, as I was told to sit anywhere I liked. Water in nice wine glasses was brought out immediately.

There are no printed wine lists – it’s all written in chalk on the black-painted right hand wall. (Black walls used as blackboards = So Hot Right Now. I think it must be council regulations to include them in any new cafe/bistro fitout.)  I like this idea in theory, but they’ve written it so big that I have to get up from my seat and walk from one end of the room to the other to be able to see both the reds AND the whites. Might be a good idea to have a printout of the day’s wines on each table.

For a chalkboard wine list, there’s not much by the glass – about four reds and four whites, and a champagne. They are not cheap glasses either, starting at $11 with the average about $14-16. I expected it all to be French, given that they are puritanical about other aspects of French authenticity (e.g. you can’t have milk in your coffee); but no, there were Macedon Ranges and New Zealand wines on the list.

I ordered the champagne (at $16 a glass for an obscure house). It arrived already poured. This is a small thing, but I think a wine bar with table service ought to pour the wines at the table. Particularly a $16 glass of wine.

We were planning to have dinner elsewhere but were getting peckish so had a look at the food options, also written on the blackboard-wall. The only snack-ish things were walnuts and cheese (non-specific blue or washed-rind), so we ordered those. The walnuts arrived, in their shells, in a bowl with a nut-cracker:

My partner loved this, he was cracking noisily away having a merry old time. For me, if I order a bowl of nuts, it’s probably because I’m hungry… and I get really cranky when I’m hungry, particularly if I can’t get at the food quickly! Pistachios are one thing, but I did find the walnuts frustrating.

My other problem with Boire is the decor. Something is not quite right about the space. It looks like a restaurant, but definitely isn’t one – there’s not enough food on the menu (two entrees, two mains, two desserts) – and somehow it’s too empty, not cosy enough to settle in for a few drinks. Maybe it’s too big, maybe it’s the lighting, maybe it’s the tables and chairs, maybe it’s the fact that the bar counter is very small and right up the back. All I know is that we were ready to leave after one drink.

I think Boire has a lot of potential and I really wanted to love it; I love the concept of a simple and rustic French wine bar. I’ll be interested to give it another try in a couple of months to see if it’s any different.